Note: This story originally appeared in December 1996 on Char Hall's Mysterious and Suspicious mailing list and then on the X-Files creative newsgroup and the XF Fanfic mailing list. *** The Reason Why *** DISCLAIMER JAZZ: "The X-Files" and its characters are the creations and property of the fabled Chris Carter, Ten Thirteen Productions and Fox Broadcasting. I am, of course, using them without permission. No copyright infringement is intended. All other concepts or ideas herein are mine. AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hi, all. Long time no post.:) Well, here's my latest offering. There's no X-File, just a little vignette that popped into my little head one day. My husband has warned me that this piece may brand me a 'shipper...just for the record my view is as follows... I do NOT want to see a romance on the show. I do not believe that either Mulder or Scully is presently fully aware of being in love with the other and is just hiding it. I do however, love to imagine and like to think maybe someday....I'm a big believer in UST and I treasure all the little touches and hints that we DO get on the show. There. You may now do with me what you will.:) Summary for Archive: The Reason Why - Elizabeth Rowandale - (G) Classifications - (V) Keywords - UST Story Summary - Mulder ponders the state of his life while on the way to meet a date. This story is dedicated to my husband Peter....for giving me the priceless gift of making me feel I have been looked at this way at least once in my life. THE REASON WHY by Elizabeth Rowandale Copyright (c) 1996 Mulder took his parking receipt from the man in the booth and pulled his car forward, spiraling through the tiny maze of the multi- level parking lot. He was searching for a space nearer than the fifth level. He glanced at the dashboard clock. 7:35. The play began at 8:00. He had promised Jennifer he would meet her at 7:30 outside the theatre, but he had been kept late typing reports for Skinner, who had at last demanded Mulder live up to his end of the monthly paperwork. Traffic had been held up on the interstate by a five car pile-up. At least the weather was still warm. Jennifer wouldn't freeze waiting for him. A parking place opened to Mulder's right, and he stole the space from a car that had been waiting on the opposite side of the aisle. He heard the man cursing at him, but Mulder held his badge out the window and called "FBI, Official Business" without even looking, and the man drove on. He finally had a date with Jennifer Hathaway. He had seen her nearly every day since he had begun his work on The X-Files. He passed her desk on the way to the basement stairs. He smiled and said "Good Morning". And for months she had been trying to snag him for a date and he had been gracefully skirting acceptance. He stopped to have morning coffee and donuts with her by the water cooler, or he tossed a funny comic strip onto her desk as he passed. But he had never given her a firm "yes" to a date until three days ago. It wasn't her looks that had held him back. She was beautiful, no question about it. Tall and slender. Long legs and wavy brown hair with streaks of blond. She could have been a model if she hadn't chosen law enforcement. And she was intelligent and friendly and capable. Once upon a time Mulder would have worked for months to get a woman like Jennifer to give him the time of day. But now she was chasing after *him*. And it had taken him months to be caught. Why? He had hardly dated for the past year or more. A girl or two, here and there, for a movie or dinner or a game of tennis. But he had never seen any of them more than once, and he had never expected to. What he didn't know was why. Mulder locked his car and made a mental note that the pile of fast food bags in the back seat was getting too tall again. He started at a brisk pace toward the sunlight and the street beyond. Did he want to live alone for the rest of his life? Was he content with things the way they were? No. He had to be honest with himself about that. He loved his work, he liked being able to do things his own way, rule his own life without answering to anyone....but he didn't want to be alone forever. He had been part of a family once. Tragedy had ripped it apart. But he didn't want to be scarred forever. He wanted to go home someday. To have a family again, and people who meant more to him than his work, who stopped him from risking it all and devoting all to his search for The Truth. Ultimately, he wanted the warmth of human companionship. So why didn't he ever say yes to a serious date? Maybe he was just a pathetic person after all. Hell, there were fifty people in the Bureau alone who would second THAT motion. Spooky Mulder who'd rather spend his evening on a deserted hilltop hoping to meet an alien than painting the town red with a sexy blond. But he was here, wasn't he? He was dressed in his best suit, his hair was combed and almost behaving. He was only ten minutes late, and there was a beautiful brunette waiting outside the ticket office for him. He could see her now, though she hadn't spotted him yet. *Be proud, Mulder,* he thought, *look at yourself, you're on a roll. Two cases solved in two weeks, paperwork up to date, and a beautiful date on a Friday night.* As he moved toward Jennifer, he began to think his dreariness and introspection had been a side effect of staring at the computer monitor for too many hours this evening. The fresh air was bringing him to and lifting his spirits. And perhaps things were fine after all. He had a lovely evening ahead of him, didn't he? Mulder smiled as he stepped up beside his date. "Hey, Pretty Lady," he said, and held out the single long-stemmed rose he had bought from a street vendor on the drive into the city. Jennifer smiled and graciously accepted his gift. "Thank you, Mulder. It's lovely. I suppose now I'll have to forgive you for being late." "I'm sorry about that. I got caught in traffic. There was an accident." Her smile wavered, and he added quickly, "I don't think anybody was hurt, just a little irate at being held up." Jennifer nodded and her smile returned. "You look beautiful, Jennifer," he said. She smiled sweetly and her eyes swept the length of his GQ figure. "You clean up pretty well yourself, G-man," she said with a laugh and he winked at her and touched her back as he guided her closer to the theatre and away from a passing group of teenagers. "You've got the tickets with you?" she asked. Mulder pulled them from his jacket pocket. "Right here, my Lady." She took the tickets and nodded to him. "I'm proud of you, Mulder, you're not nearly so absent-minded as you let people believe, are you?" He tossed her a sideways smile and said, "Confound it, foiled again." Jennifer grinned and turned toward the door. Mulder glanced about as he fell into step beside his date... ....And saw the most beautiful red-headed woman he had ever seen. His world fell into slow motion. Jennifer moved ahead of him, unaware of his distraction. The red-headed woman was walking up the pathway toward the restaurant next door. She was smiling and laughing and her blue eyes danced in the last of the evening's sunshine. Her hair was swept into a thin silver comb. A pastel scarf lay across the tender, pale skin of her throat. Her silk blouse was soft and white and her black velvet skirt draped gently over the curve of her hips. From her wrist dangled a charm bracelet. She had never worn that bracelet to work, had she? No, he'd never seen it before. She moved with grace. Walking in black leather pumps as if she had been born in them. Her arm was laced through her girlfriend's, a tall slim brunette Mulder did not recognize. The red-head leaned her head back and touched a hand to her throat, as if she had paused in her laughter to listen to the end of her friend's story, and the line of her cheek bone was so exquisite Mulder could not tear his eyes away. He had seen this woman cry, fire a gun, bury a sister, save his life. Scully....No, *Dana*...did not see him. She moved with the crowd up the pathway and through the beveled glass doors, leaving her essence lingering on the noisy walkway. "Mulder. *Mulder!*" He turned back, startled, lost, disconnected. A woman stood in front of him. A woman in a sleek black evening gown. A woman he knew, who was calling his name; a woman he was supposed to be *with*. But, no...he *wasn't* supposed to be. Not at all. "Mulder, come on, we're going to miss the opening act!" He stared at her in silence. He wanted to walk away, without a word. But he said, "Look, uh..Jennifer, I'm gonna have to cancel our date." Jennifer's eyes widened, caught between bewilderment and anger. "*WHAT?* Tell me this is your sick sense of humor again, Mulder, because if after all this time you--" He looked at the sidewalk, fumbled in his pocket for spare cash. "I'm sorry, I...look here's cab fare home, I--" She shook her head. "No. Mulder, what are you talking about, what's going on?" She raised her voice, glanced over her shoulder in hopes of catching sight of something he had seen. Mulder stepped back. A blonde man slowed to watch them as he passed. He must have thought Mulder was insane to be walking away from a woman like Jennifer. Mulder took another step. His gaze insistently pulled toward the beveled glass doors. "I'm sorry, Jennifer, I just...I don't..." People moved all around him. "I don't belong here. Maybe I'll see you on Monday," he said. He turned and walked away, hearing Jennifer's voice trailing behind him. He didn't hear her words. He walked into the night. THE END Comments? Please? I'm not insecure, really.....no, REALLY.... bstrbabs@gmail.com