Posted June 2004
DISCLAIMER: Yeah, the SG-1 guys are all property of MGM, World
Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. This is all in fun, no
infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. All other
characters, ideas, etc., herein are copyrighted to the author.
TITLE: Twilight
AUTHOR: Rowan Darkstar
EMAIL: rowan_d1@yahoo.com
RATING: (G)
ARCHIVE: SJD yes. All others fine, just let me know, please.
CATEGORIES: Angst, Sam/Jack UST, borders on hurt/comfort
SPOILERS: "The Abyss", "Jolinar's Memories"
STATUS: Complete
SUMMARY: Late night whispers in the hours after "The Abyss".

Endless gratitude as always to my fabulous betas Polly Lynn,
Fulinn, TeddyE, and AnnaK


TWILIGHT
by
Rowan Darkstar (rowan_d1@yahoo.com)
Copyright (c) 2004



In the first moments before he opened his eyes, he expected to
see the inside of a sarcophagus. Or Ba'al's face swimming in and
out in waves of red as O'Neill struggled for consciousness. He
expected to feel sick, if not from pain, then from fear. But,
gradually, he began to process what his senses were feeding him.
He heard the dull hum of Cheyenne Mountain's ventilation system.
He smelled the antiseptic of the infirmary. And he opened his
eyes to a twilight glow of blonde hair and the clearest blue eyes
he'd ever seen.

"Carter?"

Major Samantha Carter lay stretched on the cot beside his, on top
of the covers, no longer in BDUs, long legs covered in black
slacks, white blouse pulling across her chest. All of which
should have made him forget everything that had hurt, that still
hurt. Except she'd been crying.

"Sir?" She lifted up onto her elbow at the sound of his voice,
pretended that everything was business as usual. "Hey. How are
you feeling?"

He cleared his throat, dry from sleep. "A little tired.
But...it's good to be home."

Carter nodded and tried to smile. It didn't wash.

"What are you doin' here?" he asked. "I thought you went home
hours ago."

"I did."

"And yet...," he waved a vague hand, "...you're here."

Carter cleared her throat, sniffed lightly, but the sound hit him
in the gut. Her head was heavily congested; she'd been crying
for a while. "Yeah, I, uh...," she settled her head on her
folded arms again, "I came back. I couldn't sleep."

He shifted on the hard infirmary mattress, managed to turn toward
her a bit. "How come?"

"Can I get you anything, sir? Do you have enough water? I can--"


"Carter." He caught the slight flinch in the muscles beneath her
eye. "How come?"

She shrugged her free shoulder, pulled her knees up a bit. The
bed seemed too small for her slender length. "I guess I just,
uh...I needed to know you were okay. I needed to be able
to...see you."

He watched her for a long moment, not speaking. He doubted she
had any idea how good it felt to have been missed so much, to
come home to such warmth and need. Or how much it hurt to see
her pain.

His silence hit her wrong, and she flushed with embarrassment.
She pushed up again, hands soft and fumbling in her exhaustion.
He wondered if she'd slept since he had left the Tok'ra. "I'm
sorry, sir. I'll go."

"Don't." The one word was so simple. But it was everything he
needed to say.

Carter stopped, eyes widening. "Don't?"

He shook his head. "Don't."

It took her a moment to digest, then she gradually folded her arm
and settled her head once again.

They were quiet for a while.

"Sir? Was it...I mean...was it...," she pleaded gently with her
eyes, and her openness made his chest hurt, "...bad?"

Jack cringed in reply, squinted across at his 2IC.

Carter got it all. She looked away, breathed out through her
mouth and tried not to cry.

His hand moved instinctively to reach for her, but she was too
far away. "Hey. It's all right. I'm all right."

She nodded, breath shaking, chest rising and falling out of
rhythm. "Okay," she whispered. No eye contact.

He wished they were somewhere cold, so she could snuggle against
his shoulder for warmth.

The tears in her eyes caught the glow of the hallway lights.

After a moment, he said, "I'm bettin' you've already got a pretty
good idea what it was like."

Her sharp gaze caught his for a moment, and their thoughts
connected, unspoken. Jolinar.

Carter swallowed hard. "Second hand," she said, as always,
diminishing her own pains.

"Pretty damn first hand when you were screaming," he said, maybe
a bit too harshly. But the emotion was real.

Carter closed her eyes.

They were quiet. Machinery hummed around them. Another
patient's monitor beeped in the distance.

"It bites," Jack said at last.

Carter looked up at him, eyebrow lifted, almost surprised, still
hurting. And yet, there was the faintest twinkle of light there;
the familiar spark between them when he managed to use his lame
sense of humor to keep her spirits alive. He never failed to be
amazed when she responded. But making Carter smile was one of
the few things in the world that made Jack believe he just might
be a decent guy in the end.

She didn't answer. But somehow...things were better.

They lay together in the dimness.

He started to feel sleepy again. Torture could really take the
wind out of a guy.

His eyes remained closed as he said, "Carter?"

"Sir?"

"I'm glad you're here."

He heard her soft exhale. "I'm glad you're here, too, sir."

"Sleep, Carter," he said simply.

He heard the weariness bleeding into her voice when she answered,
"Good night, sir."

He should have sent her home, should have ordered her out of
there and into the comfort of her own bed. But he couldn't give
up on the slim chance she might still be there when he opened his
eyes. The chance she might keep his dreams at bay.

*****

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